Since I was very young I have been on a quest of the unseen source that fuels me which my spirit knew was real. I remember asking friends, “am I really me? like, me I’m me!” and it weirded me out as if I had snap shot moments of realization that my body only housed my true energy. It was weird at the time as I was only a child with no knowledge or exposure to what I know now as “new age philosophies” or any of the rest of the “mum-bo jumbo”. I knew of God and my mom took us to church, but divinity in a sense was still un-chartered territory as church seemed mostly composed of all the things I shouldn’t do if I wanted to go to heaven. I was mostly freaked out about most things because I was afraid of everything and as I grew my fears grew with me. They remembered me from back then, in a sense they had become my friend but I didn’t know their hidden agenda was to keep me back from my true potential, from self- confidence, from serene joy and loving calm reassurance in midst of turbulent times…

In the past couple of months I have regressed to a sense of fogginess. Although I am completely coherent the days seem like a daze and my surroundings seem un-sharp and hazy.  As if I know I am here but it seems unreal. This is not in the euphoric type of way, but in the disconnected type of way. This is not to say I am checked out, it just seems to be enough glaze to notice. Although I had changed my health habits in the past 3 years,  the last 10 months I slowly got lazy and discontinued my priorities on health and a true clean lifestyle which I had persevered at so well. Cooking my lunch and dinner everyday, buying only quality foods, exercising regularly, from a couple months to the other they had fallen at the way side. June of 2013 had been my fittest year ever, I felt great when I tried on clothes but mentally I had also burnt myself out. So I took a “break” and overindulged in “summer time Chi” and once October 2013 came rolling by there was changes in life and a lot of excuses, polar vortex, and before you knew it summer 2014 was here. As I tried on my summer 2013 clothes only to find none of them fit, it was a reality check and I realized it was time to make some changes again. So I enrolled myself back into my crossfit classes and started doing a little research about my “haze”.

I have pulled up so much information on gluten and the intolerance and different effects it has on different people. One of the few seem to be my foggy side effects and it would make sense since I had freely ate out, ingested breads, baked goods, packaged and processed foods in the last 10 months with out much consciousness… How does all this tie in with my 1st paragraph of my loony-ville child hood? Well since the haze came back and weight gain was apparent I decided to not only get back to a healthy lifestyle but incorporate spiritual exercises as well so as to not burn myself out this time around and I have started meditating. The physical body is very important to maintain as it is the vessel that allows me to move around, be productive, help, love, work, serve, exercise, create and do all that I enjoy, but the mind and the spirit are the ones that control it. There is not much that I can do if the control system which is my mind is not taken care of. Even in just 1 week of meditating, I have felt clearing of sorts.Thirdly is the fuel that goes into my vessel, which by body was telling me was not quality. Processed flour, packaged foods, “easy meals” might save me time, but in the long run were running me down. Spirituality, health and physical are all intertwined resourcefully together. Whether you choose to ignore what your body(and mind) tells you is your choice but if you are not investing in yourself, cooking your own meals, eating quality foods, a few min of self reflection a day, a few hours a week at the gym, it will all come crumbling down and you will get burnt out if you are doing one without the other. Life is this wonderful play of synchronicity and well balanced days. I truly believe that a happy life is a balance and respect for all that encompasses you.